Personal Stories
In developing this report, I spoke with members of Scotland’s veteran community who generously shared their stories and experiences. Their words are brought to life in the animations below, and you can also read more from them in their own words.
Kent
56-year-old RAF veteran Kent talks about the trauma of serving under the homosexuality ban and the life-changing impact of support from his LGBT+ peers
More from Kent:
“I joined the RAF in March 1986 when I was 18 years old, and I left in March 1998 when I was 30, meaning the entirety of my Service took place under the homosexuality ban.
“As a gay man, serving while the homosexuality ban was in place was very oppressive. I was living in constant fear of being discovered. It could have meant six months incarceration in military prison and dishonourable discharge, and there would have been the shame of everyone knowing.
“Even though I wasn’t having any sort of physical relationship with a man, I just worried that someone would figure it out, so I would make up stories about ex-girlfriends and long-distance relationships to try and pretend that I was interested in women.
“I also acted like the class clown, and I would drink a lot and do silly things because I thought maybe people would focus on that element of my personality rather than my sexuality. This behaviour negatively impacted my career, because I would get myself in trouble just to create a distraction.
“There were times in my Service where I’d be involved in operations where there was a lot of danger and risk, and you have to learn to live with the fear and anxiety that comes with that. On top of that, I had the fear of discovery permanently looming over me. It also made me angry because I was there choosing to serve my country and risk my life in all these dangerous environments, but I wasn’t allowed to be myself. Emotionally, it took a massive toll.
“It makes me really sad when I think back, because your 20s are meant to be your formative years. You’re meant to have a lot of fun and meet a lot of people and learn more about who you are and what you’re going to do in life. But for me, I had to hide who I was and live a lie. I was deeply unhappy and never got to experience any of that.
“I served my 12-year contract and had managed to stay under the radar, but I couldn’t possibly go on any longer and made the decision to leave. If I’d waited two years the ban would have been lifted and maybe things would have changed, but I didn’t know that at the time.
“For me, the transition period was horrendous. My head was all over the place and I was riddled with depression, anxiety and paranoia. I had a severe distrust in people and I was later diagnosed with PTSD. It was a real struggle for me to find a suitable house and a job, which only added extra pressure and made my mental health even worse.
“At the time, I wasn’t aware of any support. There was no signposting to organisations, and no single point of contact I could go to for further help. If I’d had counselling or another form of psychotherapy when I first left, then maybe my mental health wouldn’t have been so bad over the years.
“It was only in 2020, 22 years after leaving the RAF, that I started to find the support I needed. I had gone to my GP who had directed me to Veterans First Point, and that’s where everything started to open up for me. They signposted me towards other organisations including Fighting With Pride, a charity which supports LGBT+ veterans like me. The support that they have given me has been life-altering.
“They hold events that everybody can get together at, they really make you feel that you’re worthy and that you belong. I’ve been heavily involved with Fighting With Pride and the wider veterans community for the last three and a bit years now, and that is really helping me.
“One of the good things to come from my experience in the military is that it taught me to always be openminded and empathetic towards other people and what they might be going through. I’m good at supporting other people, and that helps me and gives me a sense of purpose and achievement.
“Through sharing my experiences like this, the loneliness that I felt for so many years has disappeared. I’m very happy with the support that’s in place for veterans of my age now, and I wish I had been able to access support like this sooner.
“I know that the UK military is a lot more inclusive and supportive for LGBT+ people today, that there’s been a significant increase in general support for Service leavers, and that there’s a much bigger focus on mental health for personnel and veterans too.
“I’m glad that people are no longer having to go through what I went through and hide who they truly are. No one should have to live a lie.”
Sophia
Sophia, 15, talks about her experiences of growing up in the fourth generation of a military family
More from Sophia:
“I’d say the main thing about growing up in a military family that is different from other young people’s experiences is all the moving around. By the time I was 12, I’d lived in nine houses. But I think that has made more adaptable than other people my age.
“My dad served as a Royal Engineer in the Army for 24 years, my grandpa was in the RAF, both my great grandads were in the Merchant Navy and my great-great-grandad was in WWII as a paratrooper, so there is a long family tradition of service.
“When I was little I hated my dad being away in a different country and I worried about whether he was safe or not, but I loved it when he came home as we had so much fun, and there’s lots of events like families day that other children wouldn’t get to have.
“The great thing about being a forces family is the sense of community, living behind the wire or just on the patch, you’ve got people around you that are experiencing similar things and they understand what you are going through.
“Moving schools and having to start again was challenging, especially in different education systems. When I moved up to Scotland from England I found I was repeating a lot of subjects I’d already done. And not seeing family was hard – because a lot of the time you can be posted very far away from family and friends.
“When my dad left the Army two years ago, it was really confusing and stressful for everyone. I was sad to leave the military community and move into an ordinary house where I didn’t know the neighbours. But my dad was starting a new job at a windfarm company, and I was happy for him too as I knew he was excited about the change.
“Forces Children Scotland were really supportive. I worried that I wouldn’t be able to go there after my dad left the Army, but they work with veteran children too and it makes me feel good helping others by sharing my experiences of being a military child.
“Military families do need more help through the transition, especially for the spouses and the children – if my mum had been able to talk to someone about it, then everything in the house would have been calmer. It’s very confusing for a child, and very stressful for the parents as they can’t explain every little detail of what’s going on because they don’t know themselves.
“My school didn’t provide me with any specialist support – veteran children don’t really get talked about a lot in schools. My school has quite a lot of military children, so I think they’re quite busy, but I don’t think it should be the case that because you’re a veteran’s child you don’t need the support any more. I think there should be support in all schools whether your parent is serving or has left the forces.
“Being a veteran child doesn’t mean that you haven’t been through the same thing as a Serving forces child. I’ve still moved, I’ve lived in different countries, it’s just my dad’s out of the Army now.
“It’s good to know now I am not going to have to move school again, but sometimes, on days when you aren’t feeling happy, you do miss everything going in boxes, waking up in a new bedroom and starting all over again.
“Being in a forces family has definitely made me independent and I have learned how to make friends easily. I’ve moved around so much I’ve been able to experience and see things from different places in the country and I have a wide variety of opinions. It matures you a lot being a forces child.”
Virginia
Fijian veteran Virginia on the challenges of transition to civilian life in Scotland, and being a working mother while her husband continues to serve in the Army
“My name is Virginia, I am 42 years old. I am from Fiji. I joined the Army in October 2004, I served for eight years. I was an operator in the Royal Signals. My husband is currently serving. I have five children.
“I left the Army in 2012. I was made redundant. When I left the Army I was nervous, anxious, it was a scary situation. The biggest challenge was financial stability, from having a secure job to nothing.
“When I left I was on maternity leave so there wasn’t any support. That’s when I realised I needed to do something for myself. The only information I have is that you have enhanced learning credits, so now I am a qualified podiatrist. I wish it was something different. If there was a lot of support on it, I would have still continued with that career path as an operator.
“A challenge of being a spouse – my husband is away all the time. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one trying to get this family going.
“I’ve known a lot of other Fijian veterans. I think it’s not easy for any Fijian to talk about what they go through, they just keep it to themselves. That’s how we’ve been brought up to just keep on going.
“I get support from the Lothians Veterans Centre. The company of the other veterans where you don’t have to feel isolated and lonely, I feel like just sitting there around those people kinda makes me feel happy, it’s comforting.
I just hope that things will be changing when coming out of the Army, they’ll make sure that people have a secure job ready, and also a home.”
