Case studies
Kent
56-year-old RAF veteran Kent talks about the trauma of serving under the homosexuality ban and the life-changing impact of support from his LGBT+ peers
“I joined the RAF in March 1986 when I was 18 years old, and I left in March 1998 when I was 30, meaning the entirety of my Servicetook place under the homosexuality ban.
“As a gay man, serving while the homosexuality ban was in place was very oppressive. I was living in constant fear of being discovered. It could have meant six months incarceration in military prison and dishonourable discharge, and there would have been the shame of everyone knowing.
“Even though I wasn’t having any sort of physical relationship with a man, I just worried that someone would figure it out, so I would make up stories about ex-girlfriends and long-distance relationships to try and pretend that I was interested in women.
“I also acted like the class clown, and I would drink a lot and do silly things because I thought maybe people would focus on that element of my personality rather than my sexuality. This behaviour negatively impacted my career, because I would get myself in trouble just to create a distraction.
“There were times in my Service where I’d be involved in operations where there was a lot of danger and risk, and you have to learn to live with the fear and anxiety that comes with that. On top of that, I had the fear of discovery permanently looming over me. It also made me angry because I was there choosing to serve my country and risk my life in all these dangerous environments, but I wasn’t allowed to be myself. Emotionally, it took a massive toll.
“It makes me really sad when I think back, because your 20s are meant to be your formative years. You’re meant to have a lot of fun and meet a lot of people and learn more about who you are and what you’re going to do in life. But for me, I had to hide who I was and live a lie. I was deeply unhappy and never got to experience any of that.
“I served my 12-year contract and had managed to stay under the radar, but I couldn’t possibly go on any longer and made the decision to leave. If I’d waited two years the ban would have been lifted and maybe things would have changed, but I didn’t know that at the time.
“For me, the transition period was horrendous. My head was all over the place and I was riddled with depression, anxiety and paranoia. I had a severe distrust in people and I was later diagnosed with PTSD. It was a real struggle for me to find a suitable house and a job, which only added extra pressure and made my mental health even worse.
“At the time, I wasn’t aware of any support. There was no signposting to organisations, and no single point of contact I could go to for further help. If I’d had counselling or another form of psychotherapy when I first left, then maybe my mental health wouldn’t have been so bad over the years.
“It was only in 2020, 22 years after leaving the RAF, that I started to find the support I needed. I had gone to my GP who had directed me to Veterans First Point, and that’s where everything started to open up for me. They signposted me towards other organisations including Fighting With Pride, a charity which supports LGBT+ veterans like me. The support that they have given me has been life-altering.
“They hold events that everybody can get together at, they really make you feel that you’re worthy and that you belong. I’ve been heavily involved with Fighting With Pride and the wider veterans community for the last three and a bit years now, and that is really helping me.
“One of the good things to come from my experience in the military is that it taught me to always be openminded and empathetic towards other people and what they might be going through. I’m good at supporting other people, and that helps me and gives me a sense of purpose and achievement.
“Through sharing my experiences like this, the loneliness that I felt for so many years has disappeared. I’m very happy with the support that’s in place for veterans of my age now, and I wish I had been able to access support like this sooner.
“I know that the UK military is a lot more inclusive and supportive for LGBT+ people today, that there’s been a significant increase in general support for Service leavers, and that there’s a much bigger focus on mental health for personnel and veterans too.
“I’m glad that people are no longer having to go through what I went through and hide who they truly are. No one should have to live a lie.”
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