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Supporting the Bereaved Community

Since becoming Scottish Veterans Commissioner three years ago, one of my key priorities has been to shine a light on the members of the veteran community whose voices are less often heard.

My 2024 report, Community and Relationships: Anything But Uniform, explored this in detail, examining the experiences of women veterans, LGBT+ veterans, non-UK veterans, disabled veterans and their families, spouses and children, and the bereaved.

The bereaved community revealed that they can feel isolated and forgotten. The loss of a Serving family member - whether through combat, training accidents, illness, suicide, or other causes - significantly disrupts families both emotionally and practically.

If the death occurs while the family is in Service accommodation, they may be living far from close relatives and face the added pressure of finding a new home. They also must manage changes to household income, and many spouses and partners report feeling overwhelmed by complex administrative processes, from benefits and support schemes to compensation claims.

They may also have to register with a new healthcare provider. For those with children, arranging childcare, supporting them emotionally, and securing new school places can all add to the mental and practical load.

All of this is endured at a time of profound grief, and many reported the loss of the military community as the most underestimated impact, as families leave behind established supportive relationships with those who understand military life and loss.

For those experiencing loss years after Service has ended, challenges around paperwork remain, they may feel they have lost their direct link to the veteran community, and some report reminders such as Remembrance Day, Armed Forces Day and news of military casualties as adding an additional layer of difficulty.

Regardless of when the bereavement occurs, those affected have often sacrificed and contributed much through their loved one’s Service. Their lives have been shaped by that Service, and they deserve appropriate and targeted support during the most difficult times and beyond. This principle is reflected in the Armed Forces Covenant, which makes clear that bereaved families deserve special consideration. Yet too often they remain invisible in policy, practice and planning.

My latest report, Support for the Bereaved Community, examines the current provision of support and brings attention to where we can do better. As with all my work, engagement with the affected community was at the heart of this report, and I’m hugely grateful to all who spoke candidly to me about deeply personal and difficult experiences.

The testimonies shared with me were powerful and often painful. Many described feeling overwhelmed to the point of shutting down support entirely. Some widows told me their pensions were delayed by months, pushing them into avoidable financial crisis. Many said the initial Purple Pack of information was far too dense to digest in the fog of early grief. Several noted that once the funeral was over, contact from the Serving community disappeared, leaving them feeling forgotten just when they needed connection most.

But I also heard examples of what good practice looks like. RAF Lossiemouth’s ongoing invitations to bereaved families were mentioned as an approach that brought real comfort and a sense of continued belonging. Organisations supporting bereaved children, such as Scotty’s Little Soldiers, provide essential guidance and stability. These examples show what is possible when support is designed with empathy and continuity in mind

While my report doesn’t seek to make formal recommendations, it points to some clear conclusions which inform areas where support could be focused and the direction it should take.

Regular check-ins with the bereaved family in the months, sometimes years, following the death is key to ensuring that any relevant support or services can be accessed when the bereaved family is ready to do so, and there should be mechanisms in place to ensure this happens.

Healthcare is an area of concern, and providers should implement a system to identify and flag bereaved military families in health records to ensure continuity and awareness of their status.

Greater awareness is also required in education. While schools will usually be aware of bereaved pupils, they may not understand their particular needs. Insights from organisations such as Scotty’s Little Soldiers could be harnessed to inform and shape support.

When delivering services for older adults in Scotland, health and social care providers should proactively identify both veterans and their spouses or partners. Doing so ensures they can be connected to the full spectrum of support available within the veteran community, helping to address practical, emotional, and social needs more effectively, especially following a bereavement.

There are also opportunities to ensure that the bereaved community is included in events and engagements that seek to include the voices of the veteran community, highlighting the ongoing gratitude for their loved one’s Service and ensuring they still feel connected and supported to the community.

More than anything, my report highlighted that bereavement is not an event, but a continuum with different support required at different stages. A cultural shift is needed to recognise and respond to this reality and explicitly include the bereaved community in policy and practice.

Although effecting this change presents challenges, its impact would be substantial and enduring, ensuring that the service of bereaved families is properly acknowledged, their needs are addressed comprehensively, and the founding principles of the Armed Forces Covenant are observed.

You can read Support for the Bereaved Community in full here.